Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
