I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
