he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
