It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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