Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize