omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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