I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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