Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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