While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
