Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
