you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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