my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
