And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize