Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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