someone get that fucking seahorse.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
