i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
