I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
