tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
