Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
