i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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