R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
