when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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