I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
