man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
