This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
