The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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