And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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