I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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