did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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