And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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