Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she peed on how many people?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Randomize
