ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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