If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize