drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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