this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
