Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
