You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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