Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
