when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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