So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
