his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize