I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
