just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
