can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
His nipple licking is glorious
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