first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
