You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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