3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
