I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
