Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's blow job season.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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