I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
