i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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