Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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