It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
