Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
