Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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