I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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