Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Randomize
