Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
