Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
