We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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