I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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