walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
