I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
