Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Success! We fucked roommates!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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