just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
