Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
