Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
