Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think I am morally bankrupt
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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